I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
