I puked a lego.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
