I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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