Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
