I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
