i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
