I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
