I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
