you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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