fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
