But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
