we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
