I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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