They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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