After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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