I'm gonna have a badass scar
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
