i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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