we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
