I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
