the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
