oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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