And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
