just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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