Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
