Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
