What a fucking waste of an outfit
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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