he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she pinky promised me she was 18
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
