Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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