i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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