are you still at the devil's house?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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