dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
