i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
