oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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