im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
