you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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