Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Randomize
