i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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