the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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