i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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