Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
