She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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