we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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