I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
