I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
