how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
