took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
