My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
