when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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