I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
