I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
