please come you make the beer taste better
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
