Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
