if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
