Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
