Apparently you make a good broom.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
